The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
