First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
