i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
