I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
