its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
