I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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