Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
