Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
