If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
