jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
