I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
