Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
