i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
