i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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