As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
