Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
smell my finger.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
