She said her name was "party"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
