I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
