Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
