You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
