whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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