I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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