so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
as a side note pls kill me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
