I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
