how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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