I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's just like the Real World with babies
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
