my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Someone shattered a urinal.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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