I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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