Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
