margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sext me about skeletons
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
