Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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