is your mom at the bar?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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