am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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