I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
