Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
