Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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