So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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