If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
