I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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