1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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