ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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