We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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