its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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