you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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