We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
