I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
