I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
