I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
