My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
