According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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