My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
